Well it all started yesterday afternoon. After a semi-productive morning working around the house, it hit me. The major herxing has begun. Only 2 and a half days on 200 mg of doxy. And this is considered a low dose. I beleive this is just to address some of my co-infections. I am supposed to begin the biaxin on Saturday but will start Sunday in hopes that I can make it to my daughter's graduation without any problems. I am really nervous about starting the high dose of biaxin given all the herxing I am already having! My head has literally felt detached from my body, like it was floating above me and attached by a rubber band. The dizzy spells and vertigo would come and go but they are worse than before. If I am standing still my body will sway slightly back and forth as if I am on a boat. Things got progressively worse. The air hunger, which I hate the most, kicked in close to bed time. It made it really difficult to sleep. I was so very tempted to take a lorazapam for the anxiety but talked myself out of it. I haven't had to take any of this since begining the natural supplements back on April 1st! I kept telling myself, a good nights sleep and all will be better in the morning. no such luck, morning sucked too! Another coffee enema and actually ate breakfast and this all seemed to help. I did better this afternoon after a long nap, but took my medication this evening and here it goes again. So so hard on these days.
I am strong, I can do this, I will be healthy, I will be well.
Thank God for my family and my supportive husband and parents. I don't know how they deal with a dead weight but I love them more for it.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Long Days
Why is it when things are really unpleasant, the day goes on forever? It feels like a slow torture and yet again, that word, Trapped. Day 2 of double dose doxy and although the first day was smooth with just some dizzy spells here and there, today has been rough.
I started out the day optimistic and went about some chores around the house. By noon, I was suffering. Dizzy, hurting, detached, emotional and depressed. Out of the blue. I drank a lot of lemon water and did another coffee enema. About 2 hours later, I feel a little better. Most days I don't eat anything until dinner. I juice vegetables for breakfast, snack and lunch. I drink a lot of tea and lemon water and a lot of cell food water. I do drink a very large amount of water! Although I have lost a lot of weight throughout being ill the last 7 months, I am now holding steady at about 108. I'm ok with it but definately don't want to lose anymore. I have lost so much muscle it is scary to me. I do feel like a gain a little strength but still there is absolutely no stamina. Both my muscles and my internal energy just give out after a short distance. On good days, I push. I want to regain my strength and endurance.
Today my ovaries are swollen and very very sore. I am supposed to go for a follow up ultra sound for comlex cysts. But at this point I don't have the money to spend on checking it out. I have a feeling this is all a result of the lyme anyway. If I can get them then hopefully this problem will go away. This sure is hard. I hope that I can start having more better days and less bad days, then maybe it won't seem so impossible. Maybe then I will hope for a life to live.
On the enemas, although they sound horrible and unpleasant, I can say desperation leads to desperate measures. It is all quite easy, actually. It helps, it feels good and just think of all the toxins you are getting rid of! This is definately something I will do on a maintenance schedule once I am well. I shoot for two per day right now. Today it was three.
I started out the day optimistic and went about some chores around the house. By noon, I was suffering. Dizzy, hurting, detached, emotional and depressed. Out of the blue. I drank a lot of lemon water and did another coffee enema. About 2 hours later, I feel a little better. Most days I don't eat anything until dinner. I juice vegetables for breakfast, snack and lunch. I drink a lot of tea and lemon water and a lot of cell food water. I do drink a very large amount of water! Although I have lost a lot of weight throughout being ill the last 7 months, I am now holding steady at about 108. I'm ok with it but definately don't want to lose anymore. I have lost so much muscle it is scary to me. I do feel like a gain a little strength but still there is absolutely no stamina. Both my muscles and my internal energy just give out after a short distance. On good days, I push. I want to regain my strength and endurance.
Today my ovaries are swollen and very very sore. I am supposed to go for a follow up ultra sound for comlex cysts. But at this point I don't have the money to spend on checking it out. I have a feeling this is all a result of the lyme anyway. If I can get them then hopefully this problem will go away. This sure is hard. I hope that I can start having more better days and less bad days, then maybe it won't seem so impossible. Maybe then I will hope for a life to live.
On the enemas, although they sound horrible and unpleasant, I can say desperation leads to desperate measures. It is all quite easy, actually. It helps, it feels good and just think of all the toxins you are getting rid of! This is definately something I will do on a maintenance schedule once I am well. I shoot for two per day right now. Today it was three.
Saturday, May 25, 2013
On Being Alone...
I used to be a mom and a wife. Now I don't know who or what I am. When I'm not doing well, I just want to be alone. I hate feeling like this. I alleinate all the people in my life whether I mean to or not. It is very hurtful and depressing to see my husband living his daily life, coming and going all the while, I just try to be. I want to be the smiling, happy wife who greets him when he gets home with a warm kiss and a nice dinner. I want to have something to even talk about. What is there for me to talk about? My problems, that's it. That's my life on these long and lonely days. I try not to moan and complain because I don't want to bring everyone down. But like I said, what else is there to talk about? So rather, I choose to be queit which in end, pushes people away. I've spent my day trying to be a little productive around the house. Laundry, cleaning and if I'm lucky, I've made something for dinner. I hope our marriage can survive this hideous bug. As hard as we may try, we may forget the people we were together, before all this. I have a lot of faith in my husband and know he loves me so deep down. He has and is willing to sacrifice anything to see me better. I hope he remembers who I used to be, long enough for me to get there.
I feel the worst guilt for my kids. My oldest daughter has just graduated high school with great grades. I had always told her that if she worked hard and did well, I would give her a nice vehicle for graduation. Well now things have changed. There isn't a penny left, after all the supplements, dr. bills, travel, labs, tests, pills, books and etc. I know she understands but it breaks my heart none the less. I want to have fun and celebrate with her! Not mope around and try to "put on the face". My younger kids are resilient but yet I am no fun anymore so I feel them becoming distant. It's almost like they distance themselves as self protection on the what if's. What if mommy dies? (like daddy did). This is horrible. I used to play, hike and take the kids on adventures that we always had so much fun talking about. Now I do nothing. I am irritable and snappy at them. Any noise made by our kid's happy laughter make my ear drums vibrate and my head hurt. This is unbearable. I just want to be a mommy again.
Part of my reason for this journal is so I can remember what this hell has been like. I know my mind is absent these days and the remainder will block out the unpleasant memories. But I want to remember this time. I want to remember so I may continue to be thankful for those good times and not take them for granted. I want to know that my family loved me through these dark times and remember to appreciate them even more.
Though my battle is only just begining, I am thinking positive. It won't be bad for long, I'll start progressing! It's hard on days like these. If it wasn't for my family and my love for life, I don't know if I could bare it. It's like slow torture.
Well, I've had my pity party, time to get off the pott. Tomorrow is a new day and a new battle and with some rest, perhaps I can get through it!
I feel the worst guilt for my kids. My oldest daughter has just graduated high school with great grades. I had always told her that if she worked hard and did well, I would give her a nice vehicle for graduation. Well now things have changed. There isn't a penny left, after all the supplements, dr. bills, travel, labs, tests, pills, books and etc. I know she understands but it breaks my heart none the less. I want to have fun and celebrate with her! Not mope around and try to "put on the face". My younger kids are resilient but yet I am no fun anymore so I feel them becoming distant. It's almost like they distance themselves as self protection on the what if's. What if mommy dies? (like daddy did). This is horrible. I used to play, hike and take the kids on adventures that we always had so much fun talking about. Now I do nothing. I am irritable and snappy at them. Any noise made by our kid's happy laughter make my ear drums vibrate and my head hurt. This is unbearable. I just want to be a mommy again.
Part of my reason for this journal is so I can remember what this hell has been like. I know my mind is absent these days and the remainder will block out the unpleasant memories. But I want to remember this time. I want to remember so I may continue to be thankful for those good times and not take them for granted. I want to know that my family loved me through these dark times and remember to appreciate them even more.
Though my battle is only just begining, I am thinking positive. It won't be bad for long, I'll start progressing! It's hard on days like these. If it wasn't for my family and my love for life, I don't know if I could bare it. It's like slow torture.
Well, I've had my pity party, time to get off the pott. Tomorrow is a new day and a new battle and with some rest, perhaps I can get through it!
Friday, May 24, 2013
My Symptom List~
No wonder dr.'s treated me like a hypo chondriac! My worst sx are all caps...
Sensitivity to hot and cold, chills, cold hands and feet, EXTREME FATIGUE, feeling cold often, flu-like symptoms, HAIR LOSS, Increased susceptibility to infections, Low blood pressure, low body temperture, Lymph nodes painful and swollen, Increased thirst, CARDIAC ABNORMALITIES-MITRAL VALVE PROLAPSE (have had for years...?) TACHYCARDIA, PALPATATIONS, DYSRHYTHMIA, chronic cough, DYSPNEA (OUT OF BREATH/AIR HUNGER), PULSE SKIPS, Frequent sighing, ALCOHOL INTOLERANCE, BRAIN FOG, Difficulty speaking, DIMINISHED/ABSENT REFLEXES, Fainting, HEADACHES, FREQUENT AND SEVERE and not alleviated by any pain meds, FLASHING HEAD PAINS, Joint and arthritic type pain, Light headed, Muscle twitching, Noise and Light sensitivity, SEVERE WEAKNESS IN MUSCLES, TINNITUS, Tremors, Difficulty finding words, speaking, remebering and following instructions, Easily distracted, Forgetting how to do routine things, Losing train of thought, Slowed and slurred speach, DECREASED APPETITE, FREQUENT DIARRHEA, NAUSEA, WEIGHT LOSS, DIZZINESS, DYSEQUILIBRIUM, IMPAIRED COORDINATION, Staggering gait, BLURRED VISION, Drooping eyelid, EYE PAIN, Spots and floaters in vision, DRY EYES, Pain in ears, Problems swallowing, Unexplained toothaches, Arthritic pain that migrates, Loss of tone, LOSS OF MUSCLE, Muscle pain, stiffness, STIFF NECK, CHEST PAIN, Shooting and stabbing pains, ANXIETY, EMOTIONAL, DEPRESSION, IRRITABILITY, SENSITIVITIES to medication, chemicals, smells and tastes, Bruise easily, LOSS OF SLEEP, Discharge from breasts, Frequent urination, Pelvic pain, SYMPTOMS WORSE BEFORE/DURING MENSTRUAL, BURNING SENSATION (especially upper spine and back of neck)DISABLING FATIGUE, Sore throat.
Sensitivity to hot and cold, chills, cold hands and feet, EXTREME FATIGUE, feeling cold often, flu-like symptoms, HAIR LOSS, Increased susceptibility to infections, Low blood pressure, low body temperture, Lymph nodes painful and swollen, Increased thirst, CARDIAC ABNORMALITIES-MITRAL VALVE PROLAPSE (have had for years...?) TACHYCARDIA, PALPATATIONS, DYSRHYTHMIA, chronic cough, DYSPNEA (OUT OF BREATH/AIR HUNGER), PULSE SKIPS, Frequent sighing, ALCOHOL INTOLERANCE, BRAIN FOG, Difficulty speaking, DIMINISHED/ABSENT REFLEXES, Fainting, HEADACHES, FREQUENT AND SEVERE and not alleviated by any pain meds, FLASHING HEAD PAINS, Joint and arthritic type pain, Light headed, Muscle twitching, Noise and Light sensitivity, SEVERE WEAKNESS IN MUSCLES, TINNITUS, Tremors, Difficulty finding words, speaking, remebering and following instructions, Easily distracted, Forgetting how to do routine things, Losing train of thought, Slowed and slurred speach, DECREASED APPETITE, FREQUENT DIARRHEA, NAUSEA, WEIGHT LOSS, DIZZINESS, DYSEQUILIBRIUM, IMPAIRED COORDINATION, Staggering gait, BLURRED VISION, Drooping eyelid, EYE PAIN, Spots and floaters in vision, DRY EYES, Pain in ears, Problems swallowing, Unexplained toothaches, Arthritic pain that migrates, Loss of tone, LOSS OF MUSCLE, Muscle pain, stiffness, STIFF NECK, CHEST PAIN, Shooting and stabbing pains, ANXIETY, EMOTIONAL, DEPRESSION, IRRITABILITY, SENSITIVITIES to medication, chemicals, smells and tastes, Bruise easily, LOSS OF SLEEP, Discharge from breasts, Frequent urination, Pelvic pain, SYMPTOMS WORSE BEFORE/DURING MENSTRUAL, BURNING SENSATION (especially upper spine and back of neck)DISABLING FATIGUE, Sore throat.
My story, in short...
On Nov 1, 2012 I woke up very late (unusal for me) and felt like I had the flu. I hurt all over and was very weak and fatigued. I did notice a bump on the back of my head and I originally thought it was a tick which I had earlier proceeded to scratch and pick at. I now was thinking it might be a spider bite? I was sick like this for a week when my husband made me go into a dr. locally. I did mention the probable tick bite. He did test me with the standard medical lab for lyme titers and it was negative so they automatically don't run a western blot. The dr. told me I was suffereing from exhaustion and was working too much.
After about a week I started feeling better, but never did I feel 100%. A month went by and boom, it happened again. It was worse this time. Because of my begnin heart condition and the heart issues I was having, I went in for an echo to make sure my condition hadn't changed. No change here. The anxiety was getting worse. Again I started to feel better.
This happened at least 3 more times and then the last time, I never got better. I got worse and by March I was pretty much bed ridden. It was so hard to even walk across the room. My muscles were stiff and very very weak. I would get tingling sensations. My husband took me to the coast and insisted we stay there until we got answers. We began going back for this test and that. After 3 MRI's they said I didn't have MS. Tried to refer me to a neurologist or RA. I new this story after researching on the internet. I didn't think it was any of this. My instincts always said lyme. I found a lyme literate dr. online in Seattle and made my appt. I thought I might not live to make it to the appointment, how badly I felt. I've been to the ER two or three times in the interim because I thought I was dying.
When I got there, it was barely. She told me she thought I had lyme, bartonella and erlichia based on my symptoms. She started me on herbal meds while waiting a month and a half for labs. Over this month I gradually improved to the point I was able to work a little!
Labs are in and they are raging positive for all this stuff. I have seen at least 10 dr's/facilities and told every one of them about the tick bite!! What a waste of money....Well here in May I could feel the hideous bugs cycling back and had to move on it, and here I am today.
I will post a thread of all my symptoms shortly...
After about a week I started feeling better, but never did I feel 100%. A month went by and boom, it happened again. It was worse this time. Because of my begnin heart condition and the heart issues I was having, I went in for an echo to make sure my condition hadn't changed. No change here. The anxiety was getting worse. Again I started to feel better.
This happened at least 3 more times and then the last time, I never got better. I got worse and by March I was pretty much bed ridden. It was so hard to even walk across the room. My muscles were stiff and very very weak. I would get tingling sensations. My husband took me to the coast and insisted we stay there until we got answers. We began going back for this test and that. After 3 MRI's they said I didn't have MS. Tried to refer me to a neurologist or RA. I new this story after researching on the internet. I didn't think it was any of this. My instincts always said lyme. I found a lyme literate dr. online in Seattle and made my appt. I thought I might not live to make it to the appointment, how badly I felt. I've been to the ER two or three times in the interim because I thought I was dying.
When I got there, it was barely. She told me she thought I had lyme, bartonella and erlichia based on my symptoms. She started me on herbal meds while waiting a month and a half for labs. Over this month I gradually improved to the point I was able to work a little!
Labs are in and they are raging positive for all this stuff. I have seen at least 10 dr's/facilities and told every one of them about the tick bite!! What a waste of money....Well here in May I could feel the hideous bugs cycling back and had to move on it, and here I am today.
I will post a thread of all my symptoms shortly...
Pills
Well day 3 of low dose doxy and it's still hard. It makes me worry about next week when we double the dose. So I finally counted how many pills I take in a day, 77. At least 99% of them are natural and herbal medicines. I really have noticed a big difference with all of these and would always prefer natural over pharmaceuticals. There are less side effects and they address cause rather than just covering up symptoms. 
Well I am still trying to smile at any rate. My head is serious brain fog and I can't remember what I was doing 2 seconds ago. This is so annoying. I'll walk across the room with great purpose to do something and forget when I get to the other side. The other day I caught myself putting my shoes in the fridge! Sometimes it's like a short circuit. I have hope that this will go away from reading about other's stories and successes so I'll try not to get too upset about "losing my mind". I used to be smart but all this makes me feel quite dumb. The brain stuff was on and off bad before but I am noticing that it is definately magnified since starting the regimine. The hurting is also worse. My wrists and hands just hurt today.I just ordered my RELIV nutritional products and cannot wait to start on these. I have heard and read so many wonderful things about how they help keep your immune system in top shape, in turn allowing your body to heal to it's full capacity. I have a lot of hope on this so cannot wait!
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Co-Infections
Yet another term I have only learned about since lyme. Lyme disease both on IGM and IGC, Anaplasma Phagocytophilum (Erlichia), Mycoplasma Pneumonia, Chlamydia Pneumonia, Candida overgrowth, HHV-6, probable Bartonella and a MTHR (1) gene mutation. But yet, not being sarcastic, it really could be so much worse. I have read a lot of sad sad stories of the wars people have had to fight and many are still fighting after so many years. I will get well and soon. I have an advantage of time and I will turn over any rock necessary to find an answer!
Herxing?!?
Whoever heard of a herx anyway? Well now I know that a herxiemer reaction was named after the person who discovered it, Herxiemer. It is reference to the reaction that occurs when the "hideous bugs" die inside of you and pollute and contaminate your body. So although we want to kill them, the herxing is an unpleasant part of the process. It's good because the bugs are dying but can be bad if we aren't getting them out. Our body needs to eliminate the toxins as quickly as possible. It can be tricky though and if we do not make extra efforts to detoxify our bodies, these toxins can be continually re-absorbed.
I am only at the begining of this chapter in my journey and I've experienced a few bad herxes, although at the time I didn't know what was happening. Over a month ago I was in very bad shape and I experienced severe burning chest pain, horrible tachachardia and palpatations, terrible air hunger and burning spine/back of neck, just to name the worst. I thought I was literally dying.
This was taking doxy, high dose, for 4 days. When conventional medical doctors didn't know what to do. Then they said prednisone. Although I had a bad feeling about this, I did it any way out of desperation. Well needles to say I thought my head would explode! No more of that.
I'm now on day 2 of low dose doxy and my brain function has gone to a child's level of cognition and functioning. Short term memory loss, vertigo, a bad throbbing headache and have been hurting and aching all over. We will take this as a good sign that bugs are dying, or at least not reproducing. I wanted to really try and go the all natural route but as the lyme was cycling up again, I had to move fast. I cannot afford the treatments I would really like to pursue just yet. Soft laser and PIOH (colonic) type treatment I think might be the answer. Also Rifing and Homeopathic imprinting look promising. My dr. is a naturalpathic doctor and has lyme herself, symptom free for 7 years. So I'll be following her recommendations as long as I can afford to.
For detoxing I am trying to take daily epsom salt baths with dry skin brushing before. This does seem to help the muscle aches and pain. I am also on several natural supplements, namely a high dose of chorella for detox. I have ordered the coffee detox enema kit. As horrible as it sounds, I am excited to start these because they are supposed to really detox your liver. My liver is working overtime now with dead bug toxins and cleaning out anti biotics! I beleive I will do at least 2 per day while I am un well. I have read so many good things about detoxing with these though, I beleive I will continue these on a regular basis forever. I am going to save up for an infrared sauna. I've read a lot of lymies have had good results with these. Other things I can maybe afford soon will include accupunture, chiropractor and massage. I beleive that keeping your body in "well tuned" shape will excalate the healing process! I also drink ALOT of water, both with cell food and lemon.
I am only at the begining of this chapter in my journey and I've experienced a few bad herxes, although at the time I didn't know what was happening. Over a month ago I was in very bad shape and I experienced severe burning chest pain, horrible tachachardia and palpatations, terrible air hunger and burning spine/back of neck, just to name the worst. I thought I was literally dying.
This was taking doxy, high dose, for 4 days. When conventional medical doctors didn't know what to do. Then they said prednisone. Although I had a bad feeling about this, I did it any way out of desperation. Well needles to say I thought my head would explode! No more of that.
I'm now on day 2 of low dose doxy and my brain function has gone to a child's level of cognition and functioning. Short term memory loss, vertigo, a bad throbbing headache and have been hurting and aching all over. We will take this as a good sign that bugs are dying, or at least not reproducing. I wanted to really try and go the all natural route but as the lyme was cycling up again, I had to move fast. I cannot afford the treatments I would really like to pursue just yet. Soft laser and PIOH (colonic) type treatment I think might be the answer. Also Rifing and Homeopathic imprinting look promising. My dr. is a naturalpathic doctor and has lyme herself, symptom free for 7 years. So I'll be following her recommendations as long as I can afford to.
For detoxing I am trying to take daily epsom salt baths with dry skin brushing before. This does seem to help the muscle aches and pain. I am also on several natural supplements, namely a high dose of chorella for detox. I have ordered the coffee detox enema kit. As horrible as it sounds, I am excited to start these because they are supposed to really detox your liver. My liver is working overtime now with dead bug toxins and cleaning out anti biotics! I beleive I will do at least 2 per day while I am un well. I have read so many good things about detoxing with these though, I beleive I will continue these on a regular basis forever. I am going to save up for an infrared sauna. I've read a lot of lymies have had good results with these. Other things I can maybe afford soon will include accupunture, chiropractor and massage. I beleive that keeping your body in "well tuned" shape will excalate the healing process! I also drink ALOT of water, both with cell food and lemon.
Trapped...
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
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