I am now on a 7 day break from antibiotics, doxy to be precise. I beleive I ended up with an ulcer on my esophogous even though I thought I was being so careful. One night of burning pain in my stomach led to a morning which the pain brought me to my knees and then a panic attack over it. Once again, I was lucky to be alone, I don't like to be seen like this.
So no treatment for 7 days and on one hand I would like the break but on the other, I keep thinking about all those bacteria having a party. At 200 mg /day, I don't think I was doing any damage any way. I am so depressed right now. My body doesn't seem to tolerate ANY thing that would actually kill this shit! I beleive my bartonella is flaring up big time, don't know if it's coincodence or not. My upper spine is burning, so much pain. My head is hurting badly again and the emotional stuff is outrageous. I have not been able to stop crying all day....I finally had to take some lorazapam just to get it to stop.
My family just left on a camping trip without me. I wanted to go so bad. But alas, I woke up this morning my little heart racing, been too weak to stand all day and very depressed and emotional. Sometimes I just can't bear to go on it seems. I only do for my family and yet I feel like such a burden. My little blond haired daughter said to me with sad eyes, "mom, I wish you didn't have lyme disease". It just breaks my heart. I heard her telling all the other kids to be quiet all morning so mom could rest, maybe she can go camping. God it crushes my heart. Fair or not to me, I don't care. But for my poor kids who don't have their mom, IT'S NOT FAIR! I pray so hard, not for miracles, just for progress, for my kids, for an ounce of hope. God please. please.
My stomach is seeming to heal so hopefully when I start back on a low dose of doxy, 50mg 2x day. I will be able to tolerate it. At this rate, I'll get the bugs down about the time I die of old age.
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