Anxiety !!!

One more day left of no doxy.  I don't know how all these things play out inside my body but it hasn't seemed like much of a break!  Up until yesterday I have been plagued with the dreaded anxiety.  It has been pretty constant and has even come close to panic attack level a couple times.  I'll just be sitting there, not thinking about much of anything and it's like I can feel my brain just "release" the flight or fight chemical things in my body.  I literally feel it and then it's on.  But to be thankful, yesterday was good and I didn't even have to take anything for the anxiety.  Today, so far, so good.  I even have a little bit of energy so that's wonderful.

I'll start on 50mg am and pm for doxy tomorrow and then stay that way until I see my ND on Thursday.  Hopefully things go smooth. 

We were planning on leaving early to take our kids camping at the beach and I'm hoping and praying I have a good spell so we can all have a good time.  I'm way over due for a good spell, it seems.

Otherwise, since being off the doxy, I've noticed my pain and joint problems have significantly decreased.  I'm sure this was all herxing.  My spine has been burning bad and headaches (minor) are coming and going again.  I don't know if it's a flare or what.

I've started taking a tspn of apple cider vinegar every morning.  I think it will help keep the yeast down.  I usually take the bee pollen in the morning too.  I think it makes my symptoms worse, like a herx!?  It may be that it is supporting my immune system.  I'm going to start adding a tspn of stevia to my green juices because I read that it kills lyme!!!  Anything I can do...I really want to look into a rife machine but they are expensive.  I'm also scared because I herx so bad off EVERYTHING!  Have these hidous bacteria taken my body over so quickly?  Will keep fighting, will not give up, ever.

At least my emotions and mood has finally stabilized since this break.  It's a lot easier to be positive and fight through the pain even when my head is in the right place.

It's going to be a long road, finally accepted that.  Well it's sinking in anyway.  I'm worried about finances, our family business and my family.  I feel like I've let them down in so many ways.  They say, it's not your fault.  But really, I got them all in business together and now it's all unravelling because of me.  The hardest pill to swallow, there isn't a damn think I can do about it but watch it all happen.  My body is holding me prisoner...Won't give up...

This was on the way back from my last dr. appt.  Had a couple good days with my husband and crashed out bad on the night before this picture.  In fact it's been pretty hard since that time, up until today.  A long bad spell...I want a long good spell...I want a permenant good spelll!!!