And then there's always that thread you are hanging by...

I had some great days. Was making some progress, taking longer and longer walks and for the most part, seeing progress. Now although I've only taken a few doses of my new herbal med's, I think my body was healing and recovering from the terrible crashes. I am taking it slow, just one drop every other day because my body is too weak. So about three days ago, my stomach started again. I've had bouts like this before but this was bad. Burning so intense about 4 inches below my chest bone and would radiate out both sides. My heart palps got bad here too. After two nights of no sleep and crying in pain for hours I finally went down and saw a doc at the ER. As can be expected, they were of no help. I was concerned that I had an ulcer and it could be bleeding. Well it was either an ulcer or gastritis. I've been drinking aloe juice and it is finally starting to heal up. Appetite and feeling sick. Almost down to 100 lbs through this and I'm getting nervous, my body doesn't have any left to spare. Today, my body is recovering from the stress, pain and lack of sleep. I haven't taken any of my supplements, vitamins or herbs for days. Starting back today, but not with the meds yet. This morning, again crushing fatigue but after a long nap, a little improved. Burning spine and migraines...have had a little reprieve from these but here they are back again! Is it any surprize that it's a full moon? Or that my hormones are ramping up again? I prayed to God that he would heal my insides and ease my suffering and so it is. My tummy is healing and my ovaries have stopped hurting. I don't like to pray for myself because I feel selfish but I've read so much that God loves all his children. In my darkest moments of suffering, I cry out to God for help. I don't know if I would stay here if I didn't have that and knowing God was there. The torture is sure to make anyone want to take there own life :'-( If it wasn't for my family or for God's love, I'm not sure I would be strong enough to carry on. There's always hope though...I am feeling better than yesterday and even better than this morning, so will cling to progress. And keep on trying. Get up and do it again, try to build up my strength, try to quit smoking! Try Try Try until you get there.